Wednesday, 26 September 2018
Piranha 3D
Written by Sandra Fitzpatrick   
Monday, 23 August 2010 14:19

Piranha 3DJust when you thought it was safe to go back in the water... using only breast implants as a floatation device... you are faced with something so horrible – so terrifying – that you wish only for a quick death!!! Piranha 3D will have you begging to be put out of your misery.

Rescue or massacre?Alternately, if you are an adolescent boy, you might be begging for more since this movie is basically one big “Girls Gone Wild” promo. There are so many fake boobs on screen that I’m sure the piranhas would all die a miserable death choking on silicon!

Script pickings must be pretty slim for Elizabeth Shue, unless she was held at gunpoint to star in this movie. She plays a cop in a small seaside town where Spring Break isn’t just a holiday, it’s an industry. A sudden tremor opens up an underwater lake and sets loose thousands of flesh-eating prehistoric piranha’s who obviously take advantage of the tipsy tourists. That’s where promiscuity gets you in horror movies boys and girls – good and dead. Likely with bloody stumps for limbs.

Boobs! Waaaay too many boobs.While the fanged fishies are taking advantage of the tasty touristas, the filmmakers are taking advantage of out-of-work actors! Cameos by Richard Dreyfuss, Christopher Lloyd and Jerry O’Connell (who is actually kind of funny as a sleazy porno director) and more, fill out the buffet selection.

Yummy...Chances are if you are willing to pay money to see a movie with the title Piranha 3D you are getting exactly what you paid for and all the gratuitous nudity is probably just an added bonus. I actually enjoy cheesy creature features, in a twisted way, but I definitely could have lived without someone puking in my face in 3D. This movie is all kinds of wrong, unless your goal is to provide the laugh track.

INFOKERNALS

Directed by Alexandre Aja, starring Steven R. McQueen and Elizabeth Shue.

This is a remake of a 1978 Joe Dante gore-fest which had already spawned a sequel in 1981 and a previous remake in 1995.

It is a myth that real piranhas are attracted by blood in the water and that they are exclusively carnivores.