Thursday, 01 October 2020
Thursday, 28 January 2010 11:09
LegionWhat happens when God “gets tired of all the bullshit”? That is literally the question asked in Legion, the latest in a string of apocalypse movies in which humanity pays their dues. But this time we’re fighting all the angels of heaven with some machine guns in a greasy truck-stop diner.

It actually sounds kind of awesome in theory. Paul Bettany is the archangel Michael sent to earth by God to wage war on humans. It seems that God is just sick of looking at us and wants a new project. But Michael still has hope for humanity so he rips off his wings and tries to help out. He thinks God needs a time-out. Unfortunately, the awesomeness stops at the concept and this movie turns into a formulaic zombie slasher (and not the good kind either).

Paul BettanyDennis Quaid is Bob, a crotchety man who runs the diner along with his son Jeep (Lucas Black). I don’t know who names their kid “Jeep” but I guess if you live in a tin can in the middle of nowhere inspiration is limited. Jeep’s a sensitive guy in love with Charlie (Adrianne Palicki) the waitress whose having another mans baby.

Despite being preggers, Charlie smokes like there’s no tomorrow – which maybe there isn’t since God wants to kill her baby. The angels are out to get her because once the baby is born he will be the new hope for humanity (think Luke Skywalker). So is this the second coming of Christ or Rosemary’s Baby? I can’t quite figure it out.

Scene from LegionAnyway, Bettany swoops in and, along with an assortment of stereotyped humans, unleashes the big guns on the zombie-angels. There are some cool special effect moments, but if I’m watching angels battle it out I expect to be mightily impressed. This movie just didn’t impress me, although it is a lot of fun to make fun of and maybe that’s enough.