Friday, 15 December 2017
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li
Written by Sandra Fitzpatrick   
Thursday, 05 March 2009 00:00

ThumbnailI know it isn’t a good sign when the ticket attendant actually rolls his eyes in disgust at the fact that I’m going to see Street Fighter. Imagine – a movie so bad that the actual theatre employees want to discourage people from seeing it!

After a good laugh he goes on to tell me he walked out part way through because he just couldn’t take it anymore. This makes me proud since I actually sat through the whole thing – two hours of my life sacrificed to the screen gods in the name of giving a fair review. Don’t ever say I didn’t do anything for you.


Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li is based on the once uber-popular video game series that I assumed had died out long ago. Apparently it is still popular enough to spawn a movie sequel fifteen years after the original film. Gone is beret-toting Jean-Claude Van Damme and filling in the title role is Canada’s own Kristin Kruek (Smallville).

 

Kruek plays Chun-Li, a concert pianist whose father was abducted when she was a little girl. All her life she has imagined taking revenge on the culprit, Bison (Neal McDonough), who heads a criminal organization hell-bent on beautifying the slums of Bangkok and turning them into a condo development. Evil in its purest form! She receives a mysterious scroll and discovers (how exactly?) that her father may still be alive and she must “give up all she knows” and journey to Bangkok. Once there she is found by a man named Gen. Robin Shou plays Gen, having jumped game franchises from his days of starring in the Mortal Combat movies.

 

Gen is kind of like her personal Obi-Wan Kenobe and schools her in the art of street-fighting… Actually, they just eat a lot of rice and he blindfolds her and tries to kill her a few times and then he teaches her to master the power of computer-generated orbs of electricity – you know, the usual. Of course it can’t all be sunshine and lollipops, so when Gen is attacked Chun-Li has to fight on her own. Apparently Gen also taught her the art of seducing lesbians in nightclubs because this is just what she does in order to get insider information from one of Bison’s most trusted employees.

 

ThumbnailBy now you may be able to sense that this movie is pretty bad, and I haven’t even covered it all yet! There is still a cringe-worthy side story romance between two cops who barely even play a role in the story. Chris Klein and Moon Bloodgood play complete stereotypes – a depressed, alcoholic detective and a tough-as-nails, cleavage bearing cop who can barely keep their handcuffs off each other. They don’t do much but show up at the end to clean up the mess. Another side-story tells of how, in his youth, Bison made a ritual sacrifice to the devil so that he would “never feel guilty again”. With that Irish accent he’s probably Catholic, so I can understand where the guilt comes from.

This movie is just plain bad, bad, bad! BUT it’s also easy to make fun of. Terrible script, terrible acting, but at least great jokes may result. My advice – if you have to see it, bring along a big group of friends and make it an event. That way at least you will laugh so hard you cry, instead of taking a direct route to the tears of frustration.