Saturday, 19 September 2020
Written by Sandra Fitzpatrick   
Saturday, 04 March 2006 20:57

Ultraviolet is the latest in a long string of comic adapted movies starring ultra-hip heroines in skimpy costume. From Catwoman to Elektra; Aeon Flux to Blood Rayne; these girls like their weapons light and their leather tight. But they have one more thing in common; all of these bombshells have bombed at the box office.

Milla Jovovich plays Violet, a woman whose entire life changed when she became infected with a blood disease that turns people into vampires known as “hemophages”. Her abilities are heightened and now she can spontaneously change colors to match her surroundings and seriously kick ass. Sound pretty cool? The catch is hemophages live for only ten years after becoming infected. She becomes a mercenary, trying to find a cure for the disease.

The whole story/plot issue is pretty foggy, but let’s jump ahead a little. Violet ends up in possession of a case that looks like an iBook but contains a “super weapon” that can wipe out either the hemophages or the humans – no one is sure which. Like Pandora she is instructed not to open the case so of course she does. Inside this laptop-sized container is a human boy (Cameron Bright), which sounds weird and it is. I must say that was unexpected! Her maternal instinct kicks into overdrive and she feels the need to protect this child no matter what he means to civilization.

This movie is so bad it could spawn a drinking game once it hits home video. Some of the instructions might include taking a drink every time:

  • Milla Jovovich struts toward the camera using her supermodel walk.
  • A weapon appears out of nowhere
  • The camera passes through one object into another (ie: through an ear canal and out the barrel of a gun; through sunglasses to the reflected image. You get the idea.)
  • Violet’s teeth outshine her lip gloss
  • Violet’s clothes or hair spontaneously change color
  • The bad guy says something cheesy like “It is on.”

I am struggling to think of anything good to say about this movie. I guess you could say that some of the action sequences are interesting to watch because they take place on such wild green-screen backdrops. It’s like someone put the whole movie through Photoshop filters, inserting kaleidoscopic patterns throughout. In some scenes the flat, stylized look reminded me of Sin City only really bad.

In fact the whole movie seems like borrowed material, and the more I think about it the more it is ripping off Kill Bill. In one scene Violet fights in a yellow and black outfit, clearly reminiscent of Uma. She also uses a short blade and martial arts style moves. There’s a rooftop showdown with a large group of cool looking Asian men she calls the “Blood Chinois”, but there is no explanation of who these men are or why they appeared on the rooftop in the first place.

Ultraviolet is ultra-garbage and unless you feel the uncontrollable urge to get ripped off, don’t spend your hard earned cash on this one.

I am giving Ultraviolet a generous 2 out of 10 stars.