Monday, 21 September 2020
White Noise
Thursday, 13 January 2005 17:48

"White Noise" helps me sleep

White Noise - noun : 1. A heterogeneous mixture of sound waves extending over a wide frequency range 2. A good reason to have a nap in the movie theatre.

Directed by Geoffrey Sax, "White Noise" miraculously seems to be making some big noise at the box office.

When the body of Anna Rivers is found dead after an exhaustive search, her husband (Michael Keaton) has trouble coming to terms with the loss. He is a approached by a man who claims to have spoken to the spirit of his wife via EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomenon). But those spirits can be tricky, and we soon find out that some of them are more interested in being hurtful than helpful.

I walked into the theatre, alone, really hoping to get a good scare. You know the feeling. The dark images burning themselves into your thoughts. Images that reappear later, when you are safe at home, trying to go to sleep. Instead what I got were ghosts who owned old video cameras and made boring home movies. Home movies that no one ever wants to see but relatives.

I don't go to the movie theatre to watch the snow on my cable TV.

Why the slimmed-down and tucked-up Michael Keaton chose this script as a comeback vehicle, I'll never know. He does what he can with the one-dimensional role. There are really only so many different faces you can make while staring in disbelief at a television screen.

When the "story" finally pieces itself together, even he can't really make sense of what's going on. I've got to hand it to the writer, I thought I had it all figured out. Turns out the ending I had in mind was far too clever and exciting.

Why did the ghosts bother gasping out messages on the tv, when they could project themselves in full glory onto the ceiling? How did this script get approved by a studio? How many coffees should you drink to stay awake during this film? These answers, much like the spirits themselves, elude me.

If you LIKED "White Noise" you will probably like "The Mothman Prophesies". Is that a recommendation? No. For a GOOD, smart and scary flick, check out "The Ring". Both are available on DVD.